seeing as i haven't updated in a while, i figured i could give a basic rundown.

i have a girlfriend. her name is megan. she is way pretty. she kicks ass at guitar hero.

i have a new job. i work at mitchell's fish market in carmel. i make a lot of money even though i'm usually hungover when i work. not that i stay out drinking late. it's that with age, my hangovers just last many extra hours than my body deserves.

i have a new car. it is a 2006 ford fusion. the only problem i see with the car is how much it adds to my bad assedness. and no, that isn't a problem for me, but a problem for you.

i have a new house. it is in carmel, indiana 46032. yes! i can finally be a rich, snotty, pretentious fucking asshole again! hooray for stereo types.

but really. my girlfriend is probably prettier than yours. i probably have more money than you. my car is faster, and my house is larger and more bad ass than you could ever wish for yourself.

sometimes stereotypes are gladly fulfilled.

the rumors are true... geico really DOES save you a lot of money on car insurance. they saved me 45% from what i was quoted by my old provider for the exact same coverage. i took a vow to myself to become a walking geico commercial. i apologize ahead of time.

i turn 24 next friday. this isn't where i planned to be by now...

gee, i wish my room was clean so i could have hot chicks over all the time.

i just got over a cold that put me out of action for exactly 1 and 1 half days. i destroyed an entire box of kleenex brand facial tissue. the box did not stand a chance when faced with my gallon large sinus cavities rich with nasal mucus. after all was said and done, my antibodies came out victorious conquering the fearsome head bug.

i bought the following cds this morning from best buy...

the wood brothers - ways not to lose
the flaming lips - at war with the mystics
margot and the nuclear so and so's - the dust of retreat

i will be attending a comedic extravaganza tonight that is the comedians of comedy tour.

my weekends have become wednesday and thursday night. i don't get to see friends often because of thise change, however i make about 100 entire dollars more a week. over a year, that becomes 5 thousand entire dollars. so i have sold some friendships for a yearly payment of 5 thousand entire dollars... who cares. they weren't good friends anyway.

on a final note, sometimes i feel like i can win a national poker championship. but i think i'd get nervous in front of all the cameras.

as of late, many people have had complaints about the state of the music industry. i have not been immune to this myself. however, i have discovered an alternative. instead of screaming and crying about radio and its all-around suckedness, i have reached out for alternative sources. while upon this quest, i have come across many reassuring bands of all shapes and sizes. however, not until recently have i had the privilege of receiving almost all of my musical information from one reliable outlet...

if you have found yourself hoping for an inspiring source to reignite your passion for fresh and inventive music, check out PASTE magazine. i will not say anymore than if you disagree with me after reading the april/may issue, listening to its enclosed sampler cd, as well as watching its enclosed sampler dvd... i will treat you to a lunch of your liking.

you will not be disappointed. i promise. that is all.

PS. every issue comes with a cd with over 20 new songs that are just as good, if not better than this one.

i accidentally had an action packed week...

i witnessed nick hornby read at butler on monday.
i danced to perpetual groove at the music mill on wednesday.
i enjoyed free front row balcony seats to oasis at the murat on thursday.
i partied in broad ripple for marty's 21st birthday last night.

but apparently my subconscious wasn't done... i also hung out with conan o'brien and dane cook in my dream last night.

allow me to disclaim that my weeks are never like this. i typically find it exciting when i fill a month with this much social activity. i hope this doesn't require that the following three weeks will be devoid of anything fun.

i guess i'm doing fine...

not much day to day action going on in my life. i mostly just work, eat, and sleep. sometimes i drink with a few friends... not so often though.

i'm trying to teach myself to play piano. by that, i mean i've been fiddling around on the keys a bit every day. i can almost play a horrible version of chelsea by the counting crows... well, without singing. however, i did learn to play the counting crows' version of blues run the game by jackson frank on the guitar. it's a song i've tried by just couldn't get for about the past 3 years. now i'm a master.

i just started a membership at bally's. it's right by friday's so it should be easy to make it a five day/ week thing. this action stemmed from an all around boredom with life. i preferred get off my ass and do something with my body than sitting at home and watching oprah when i'm not at work. i also go see a movie at the arts theater monday's when i'm off work. huzzah.

i've been living in indy for a couple months now. it feels great to be out of muncie. liberating in a way. also restrictive. most of my friends that live in indy have regular jobs. therefore they don't feel the need for a social life during the week. i, however, have been waiting tables at friday's making some cash to put away for new york. this means i have a lot of extra time... but nothing to do. i think i'm gonna go get a membership at a gym.

my dating life has been nonexistent as well. i don't know, just not a whole lot of selection. i expected there to be a lot of potential at friday's but it turns out all the girls have kids, drug habits, or don't meet the age requirement... either way too far over or under. i've had the hots for some girls outside the workplace. but i've been staying away from relationships whether consciously or not for some reason...

new york was put on hold temporarily because the guy (luke mullen) that i was supposed to move in with backed out when he got a job offer with billy graham tours. and i'm not willing to make the move without a roommate. any takers let me know. because i really wanna get out there by or during the summer.

do people just let there social lives die because they become a certain age?? apparently it's the thing to do around these parts.

according to my dream last night, mexicans shake hands just like black people do, except instead of the snap at the end, they shake off the shake in a motion quite like a reaction to touching a hot potato or plate... i found it especially amusing that my subconscious invented a special handshake for an entire race in its spare time. then i realized that my subconscious is a prejudging racist bastard!

and what's with the "pounders"? you know, the people that make a fist and put said fist directly in front of them waiting for some sort of response. it's normally after you say something extraordinarily witty or when you get a good score in a round of taboo. i never know what to do with that fist!! i've seen people returning the fisted favor but it ends up looking like an awkward pussified version of bloody knuckles. so i normally just wrap both my hands around their fist and shake it vigorously... sometimes i'll even add a little kiss in the end. my plan is to kill this trend one fist at a time.

after some consideration, i think about this whole handshaking process far too intensely...

quite cold outside. how do i know? i had to walk to work this morning. the part that makes me cry is that means i have to walk back home from work. i witnessed a person fall on the ice today. too bad it wasn't me. i probably would never feel more awake. plus i'm on some sort of streak in which i haven't really had anything to keep my ego in check recently. i mean, at some points i actually think that i'm bigger than jesus. i call it the beatles complex. and falling on the ice would fix this problem.

if i become a millionaire in the near future, don't hold it against me. i swear i didn't plan this. besides, it's not my fault if the heavens just happen to like me better and decide to give me better luck than they do you. but relying on the undeniable chance that i do become a millionaire, you can rest assured that you will benefit in some way. be it my allowing you to hold my gold plated cane for an extended period of time, or having the privelage of wiping your ass with my 100 dollar bill toilet paper... you can easily count on reaping the rewards. or maybe we'll just have a beach party with bottles of cristal, don p, lots of cocaine, and a performance by fiddy cent.... you can take THAT to the bank!

it is 7 degrees.

i am listening to ben kweller.
i am fearful of graduation.
my dishes are dirty.
i get lonely.
i have faith in the cubs again.
i need new clothes.
i need to get rid of 3/4s of my clothes.
i will see moe in january
i will see coldplay with fiona apple in february.
i miss my cats.
i entered a poetry contest.
i probably won't win.
i want a fastforward button for life.
i have my fingers crossed.

half of what i say is meaningless...

at thanksgiving last week my 17 year old female cousin asked me why i'm so weird. i thought it odd that a person that has known me for 17 years might not have caught on to the joke i call life. doesn't she know that it's not politically correct to call people "weird" these days? call me different. call me unique. call me a rated rookie or a future star (baseball card reference for those that don't know). but don't call me weird... it hurts my feelings and puts me in a position outside the ranks of normal human-beingism. oh wait, i just remembered. being weird is the new black. i'm much more hip and form-fitting than anybody ever thought before... thanks ovaltine!

you know what people need? we each need a personal quote sheet about us like what they put on the back covers of books. there needs to be a service where you send your accolades out and critics send back a well thought out sentence of what they think of your overall being. maybe that is what happens when we die... there's a panel of old folks that never did what i actually did but are given the power to judge every aspect of me. and other people will listen just because these people have done this for so long that their opinion is respected. maybe they even get paid a small chunk if they have something good to say. anyway, i'm curious what they'd say about me... "Ryan holds his music dear to his heart, but too often blurs the line between life and art." or "Ryan is the greatest creative theorist of our time. Two thumbs WAY up."

i think anybody who is reading this needs to take a stab at it. if it's good enough, i might put it on my resume...

i cannot wait to live in indy again! i will drive through the streets with my windows down. i will sing along with songs with snow and cold wind blowing in my face. i'm going to get a gym membership. one that has racquetball courts. i'm also going to work out my biceps and quads and certain back muscles that i don't know the names of. i will wear sharp clothes. you know, slacks instead of pants...that sort of thing. i will hone my reading and chess skills rather than watching television... unless jeopardy is on, of course. i will also do my best to support the local music scene on friday or saturday nights. i might even spend some time in local bookstores and/or coffee shops. if any of this interests you, give me a call. we'll hang out.

why do people invest so much time, money, and interest into the lottery?? i never understood the fascination with that or even gambling for that matter. is there joy found in throwing your hard earned money towards something that gives virtually nothing in return? it would be interesting to see the percentage of people that spend at least a dollar a week their whole lives and never hit anything big. by big i mean a jackpot over $1000 or even $100... it almost seems to me that these people are content living on false hopes for dreams that probably will never come to fruition. yet these people see every loss as coming one step closer to winning when in actuality they are as far away from hitting the jackpot as they were the first time they played.

i have a friend that enjoys playing blackjack. i've seen him lose $400 in less than an hour. his excuse for going back month after month... "i'm up on the casinos over the course of time." okay, but you just lost THIS week's paycheck. what kind of mindset do you have to be in to willfully throw your earnings into a game of mere chance? maybe a mindset of desperation or confusion... these types of people actually THINK that they are winning something that doesn't exist. more often than not he comes back from the casino with less money than when he left. but what keeps driving him back is those few times that he came back a winner. or the stories of his friends coming back "big winners" with pockets full of cash... i just don't get it.

alright, i'm done. i'm gonna go throw dollar bills at random people. i find it similar in fashion.

oh... i was just reminded of that story "the lottery". you know, the one where they stone that lady to death because she won the lottery?? yeah, didn't see that one coming....

snow was exciting when all you had to worry about is getting snow pants on and finding your sled. however, when you have to drive to a family thanksgiving, snow isn't so exciting anymore. i'm stuck in muncie for the better part of the day and nobody else is around. i work tonight until 9 then i'm heading to broadripple to hang out with some carmel peeps. hopefully blockbuster is a little more tolerable tonight than it has been the last two weeks. it really sucks going from a nice well-organized store to a shitty completely mismanaged store...

on another note: i don't remember where i heard it, but when a girl only has guy friends or says she doesn't get along with girls, that generally means she consistently gets into drama or is a psycho hose beast. you decide...

i miss scrubs. i rented the first season the other day and it makes me miss it 10 times more. i also rented an evening with kevin smith. quite the amusing 3 hours or so if you enjoy his movies... today i think i'm going to watch cool hand luke.

when i get back from indy and thanksgiving i'm going to feel two things. 1) i'm going to wish i wasn't living in muncie for another long, cold, dreadful month. 2) i'm going to wish for life to be like the movies.

but it won't be.

that scene in garden state where natalie portman gets up in front of the fireplace and does her dance... man, it gets me every time.

i've been in this situation. i'm in that mode where i'm in love with the idea of being in love. and i actually have thought to myself that i'm not finding it because i'm constantly thinking about it. and then i decided that if i stop thinking about it that someone will come around. this is my definition of being sad... thinking that not thinking about something will make that something happen.

i still miss katie yee. and it doesn't go away.

i came into the philosophy office today to a very interesting comment. professor george barker walks in and exclaims, "gee, i really should get some food... i've been going on straight cocaine all day." this is especially amusing coming from the mouth of a 70 year old religious studies professor. he later corrected himself to say caffeine. kids say the darndest things.

i wish mother nature would just make up her mind already. she really needs to let go of her past. i don't like when it's 40 degrees one day and 62 the next. pick a season and stick with it. thank you for your consideration mother nature. maybe she and old man winter are just having a quarrel over contractual obligations...

#37 on the list of reasons i need a girlfriend -- the state my refrigerator is in. i went grocery shopping today... for the first time in say, 4 weeks. apparently i had a small amount of milk that expired september 3rd, chicken from damons that was from the end of the same month, and hot dogs that had mysteriously grown a yellow and greenish mold. i wasn't aware that hot dogs could actually GO bad... but alas, i have proven myself wrong. i came to the conclusion that only a girlfriend could help remedy this among many other unfortunate habits i have become accustomed to.

other than this totally amazing discovery, grocery shopping today has also inspired me to subscribe to the sunday newspaper... for the sole purpose of cutting out its coupons. if i want to eat well, i'm gonna have to start cutting costs in some ways. yes, i realize i haven't quite reached the status of professional house wife, but i still feel that this would be a very beneficial hobby to acquire. other items on the list of hobbies to start: crochet, oprah's book club, watching general hospital, and crock pottery. a dream has to start somewhere. mine starts with coupons.

oh, i almost forgot... i haven't smoked for two weeks now. i'm happy with this accomplishment for a few reasons. i was inspired to quit by myself, i was motivated to actually quit by myself, and i've held only myself accountable. this is quite the invigorating feat for me to accomplish after smoking pretty much since i started college. i was going to put it off until i graduated. then i decided that i was only cheating myself by procrastinating on yet another aspect of my life. this has also inspired me to find other things in my life that could use a little work... if only one thing at a time. i figure once i've kept this going for one month, i can move to the next on the list.

oh my reward for each week i don't smoke is i buy myself a cd. so far i've gotten the garden state soundtrack and diana krall - live in paris. both of which have received heavy rotation on each of my cd players recently... any recommendations for this week?

i've recently found myself looking for an inspiring prophetic sign in every little something. maybe i'm just not looking close enough.

everything looks perfect from far away, come down now.

nothing is more defeating than riding a bicycle into a heavy wind at 8:45 on a friday morning.

if you know of anything else so simple yet so demoralizing, please share.